As you know, the strength of Crabbo’s pinches is proportional to how much he loves your child and you may have been shipped a toy that is incapable of love. For information about how to return your Crabb– [static as if a channel is changing, and then Corners cuts into the recording.]

Corners: Hey, it’s Corners! Why’d you take home Crabbo instead of Corners? If it’s because you didn’t take one goddamn minute to think about how lonely and scared Corners might be at the store at night by himself, press 1. If it’s because you didn’t think Corners would come for you, press 2.